Thursday, April 12, 2012

A New Beginning - School Girl Swag

Well, I'm like totally late with this post. But, I figured better late then never :) January 5, 2012, I decided I wanted to make the first step in taking my life back. I walked into my college building nervous because I have tried so many times before to go to college but was never able to complete it. The devil (for those that are not of faith you have to over look my expressions) always seemed to try to take my joy when it came to college. This time was no different! I am currently taking Early Childhood Care and Education. I'm a full-time student taking four classes two on campus, and two online. The two classes I take on campus are what they call hybrid classes. I go to campus to receive instruction but turn all of my work in online. Everything was going great, so I thought!!! I just felt since it had been 6 years since my last try at a college education, I needed to get use to all of the work. Yes, my work load is crazy!! Within the first three weeks my laptop shutdown on me. I didn't have the money to repair it and I was so upset I really didn't know what else to do EXCEPT what I was use to WITHDRAW!!

I admit I did a lot of crying, praying, and asking for guidance. I have been through so much with my surgeries, waiting forever for disability, I was just at a cross road. I broke my ankle last year May 16, 2011, two days before my sons big TOYOTA® party. I was proud of myself because I didn't go into a big downward spiral like I usually do being back on crutches. But, I did think over and over here it is just barely a full year after my 3rd foot surgery and I'm back in a cast and on crutches!! I canceled Ke's party but looking back I feel I could have still had it. Everything and a lot of people was ready but I did it based upon how I felt. You know when you can't walk and all your doing is sitting around bored you have a lot of time to think about things. My thoughts over the past few years have been deeper than ever. I began to think that maybe I needed to get out of the house and move around some. I have arthritis and that can be crippling but there are so many restrictions on me because of my feet on what I can and can't do. I just knew I had to get out of the house. My mom (she's a nurse) and my physical therapist both said the same thing I was thinking. Maybe sitting in the house and lack of physical activity is beginning to weaken my bones. So I recked my mind and that's when I KNEW, I had to go back to school. I didn't tell any one about this decision until the last minute because this was something I was determined to do and this time I was more determined than ever to finish. I didn't want to hear any discouraging words others may have had. I felt like in order for me to create a better life in all aspects I had to get out of the house and earn a DEGREE!!

When my laptop shutdown on me I was devastated, heartbroken, I just didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I needed to complete this task. Complete it all the way to the end not just partially. One dark Monday, I walked into that school ready to withdraw. I used the excuse that my computer was down and I wouldn't be able to keep up. Right before I took the paper to my instructor to sign dropping me from my classes the thought of leaving began to sink in. I went to the restroom and tried to get myself together. My mind was going in a thousand different directions. I thought I would be able to drop with no problem but I began to think about how happy I was when I enrolled. I started to feel like I was doing what I always did and quit. I began to pray and ask God to show me the way. Once, I gathered myself I walked to the classroom and spoke with my instructor. God does in deed work miracles!!! I already knew that from past experiences. Long story short my instructor said she would work with me until I could get a new computer. God sent two of his angels to truely watch over me :)

A few weeks before midterm I was blessed enough to purchase a new laptop and a began to catch up on the work I was behind on. My grades as of today are two A's and two B's. This is truly the hardest semester because I have so many classes.  Summer semester I will only have two classes, Fall semester I will have two classes, and next Spring semester (my graduating semester, yay!!) I will be doing my internship. If I can make it through these next two weeks I have demolished that obsticle that was holding me back. I believe now more than ever that prayer is the key and faith unlocks the door! But, my determination to make it and be successful also keeps me going strong!!